Wane / Wax

Creative seasons and book chat

There’s a book I’ve been reading, in very tiny installments, for about a year. When I started originally, in about June 2024, I thought I’d finish quickly, blast through the way I often do with an audiobook. But something else happened, instead. I listened to several chapters and then I took a break. I knew I wasn’t done with the book, but something about it was settling in me before I carried on. A few months later, I bought a physical copy and read another chapter. I’ve been consuming it in little bites, as needed, since. The book is Wintering by Katherine May, and it’s been teaching me exactly what the subtitle offers: the power of rest and retreat in difficult times.

The past few years have been difficult times. Some good - parenting, job and house changes. Things we chose. Some not good - bereavements, job losses, illness and disability. Definitely not chosen. We’ve been making it through them, as a family.

Not too long ago, I finally finished writing my first novel. The book that began life as a short story in 2015, and then really took shape during my Masters in 2016-17. It’s been waiting for me a long time. I’m really, really pleased with it. Sending it to literary agents - especially the ones I met after my MA, who’ve been waiting since 2018 for it to be finished - was terrifying, but I have sent it out. I’ve had one request for the full manuscript. I’m trying not to think about it too much.

But since then, I feel like a creative, intelligent part of me has woken up. The bit that’s awake to the cultural and artistic influences around me and wants to engage with them. Not that I haven’t been doing that - I started this Substack in the time I’ve been wintering, after all. But I’m hoping this is marking a sea change - an uptick out of my fallow period.

I haven’t read much of Wintering for a while, possibly because of the time of year - the title does lend itself to reading in at least a slight chill, rather than baking heat. But also because I think its messages have been getting through. I needed this time. I might have returned to creative harvest sooner, if not a death at the end of 2022, and my worsening disability - while often romanticised, illness isn’t actually very conducive to creativity. As it turns out, safety, health and support are pretty crucial.

Part of my little personal renaissance has come in the form of excitement about the Booker longlist this year. I follow the Prize every year, but this year’s list has caught my interest quite particularly. So I’m having a go at a long-held ambition of reading the full longlist. Somehow, I’m ok with trying even if I might not succeed. I think that’s called growth.

In Substack-specific news: I am hoping to bring you more Bookshop Reviews soon, so watch this space. I no longer post general bookish updates here, but if you’d like to keep updated with those things, including my Booker Prize reading, you can follow Book Chat. If there are independent UK bookshops you’d like to read a review of, let me know in comments so I can add them to my list…